Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Life

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In the 20th century, women’s sexuality was seen as “Men’s Sexuality Lite”: basically the same, but not quite as good. From genital response to sexual desire to orgasm, we just couldn’t understand that complicated, inconsistent, crazy-making “lady business.” That is, until Emily Nagasaki changed the game with her New York Times bestseller Come As You Are. Using groundbreaking science and research, she reveals in this new and updated edition the secret truths behind maximizing sexual wellbeing, including:

  • TURNING ON THE ONS, TURNING OFF THE OFFS: Your brain interprets sexual response as a series of gas and brake pedals. Too many women work to press the accelerator without understanding that first they need to let up on the brakes 
  • TAKING CONTROL OF THE CONTEXT: Just as tickling can be fun in a positive context but irritating in a negative context, almost any sensation-especially a sexual response-requires positive context to make it a pleasurable one.
  • RESPONSIVE DESIRE: Most of us experience sexual desire to be spontaneous and “out of the blue,” emerging in anticipation of pleasure, but it’s more common for desire to emerge in response to pleasure. Pleasure first, then desire.

Altogether, they prove that what makes a confident and joy filled sex life is not what the parts are or how they’re organized, but how you feel about them. Stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in sexual wellbeing: they are central to it- and if you don’t yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole.


EMILY NAGOSKI is the award winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of the New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking The Stress Cycle. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, where she volunteered as a peer sex educator while studying psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy. She went on to earn an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.


Paperback, 382 pages